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ArdentMuckraker
Martin's element is Americum. His chumhandle is ardentMuckraker and speaks FUCKING AMERICAN, dumbasses! in #070476.' '''He has forfeited the title of "Prince of Heat" to become "President of Heat". Appearance Nobody KNOWS what his eyes look like, man. They're hidden under a set of shades that are hidden under his fucking baseball cap. His flashy, white smile seems much too large for his face. His blonde hair is shoulder length. He wears a polo shirt with his collar popped, and jean shorts. He wears white sneakers all the time. ALL THE TIME. Interests AMERICA. FUCK YEAH! You're a FUCKING AMERICAN. Ain't NOBODY more AMERICAN than YOU. When someone told you that AMERICAN APPAREL was founded in fucking CANADA, you just gave them the ol' AMERICAN SALUTE while you pointed at the fucking "AMERICAN" in "AMERICAN APPAREL." Fucking bastard! They probably weren't educated at an AMERICAN SCHOOL like you were! And damn straight, they weren't! You eat AMERICAN FOOD, you smoke AMERICAN CIGARETTES, and you drink AMERICAN SODA POP. You respect both ways of saying AMERICAN SODA POP because that shit is LEGITIMATELY AMERICAN. You fucking love AMERICAN DEMOCRACY. Any ''real AMERICAN, according to the fucking BEST CONSTITUTION THERE IS, can be the fucking PRESIDENT. That shit don't happen anywhere else! You fucking love the PRESIDENT. You want to BE THE PRESIDENT some day. When the game told you that you were DUKE or PRINCE or KING of some shit, you said, "FUCK ROYALTY!" and became the fucking PRESIDENT instead. You'll take being PRESIDENT of something so you can have some fucking job experience, being PRESIDENT OF AMERICA. By the way, you know every presidential speech. ALL OF THEM. By heart. Since you were fucking seven. You're going to make one some day, and it will be the BEST FUCKING SPEECH in all of fucking AMERICAN HISTORY. You've memorized the CONSTITUTION. The fucking DECLARATION. Shit, you love AMERICAN HISTORY. YOU are the source that fucking Wikipedia goes to for AMERICAN HISTORY, because those fucking global bastards don't know AMERICAN HISTORY like you do. You will only listen to AMERICAN MUSIC, and you will only watch AMERICAN MOVIES. You turn the radio off if they play anything that isn't AMERICAN. Why waste your time on shit music when you can have AMERICAN MUSIC? Bruce Springsteen and Bon Jovi can kick everyone's ass. Hank Williams is a badass motherfucker. Other countries can't MAKE that sort of shit. That's also why you obsessively screen every movie for any of those fucking foreigners. You don't want to see shit acting. You want to see AMERICAN ACTING. It's getting damn hard to find some fucking AMERICAN MOVIES. All this FRENCH and ITALIAN shit coming in. DAMN. And you fucking love the GREAT AMERICAN PAST-TIME. BASEBALL's patriotic, fuckers! Fuck those JAPANESE for stealing the AMERICAN GAME. Fuck them for corrupting the AMERICAN YOUTH with fucking VIDEO GAMES. That shit rots your brains out! You'd rather promote HARD WORK, because that's the AMERICAN WAY. AMERICA AMERICA AMERICA Modus Vending Machine. THE AMERICAN MODUS. Nothing's free in this shit, man. You have to spend your Boondollars to access one of fifty items available to you in your motherfucking vending machine. The more valuable the item in the extra-game world, the more Boondollars you have to spend, because that's the way shit rolls. You start out with some converted because you're rolling in those fucking fine AMERICAN DOLLARS. So get killing--THE AMERICAN WAY. Strife BallKind Relationships uhhhhhhh. HE FUCKING LOVES AMERICA. HE LIKES AMERICANS. HE HATES FOREIGNERS. Session A Martin has rather fluctuating opinions with those in his session. thermonuclearHomologous: FUCK HIM. (He has, however, provided Amadeus with the idea of electrifying his weapons.) narcoticPurgatory: MY FUCKING AMERICAN BROTHER! (They seem to get along all right.) persistentUltimatum: FUCK THAT FOREIGN BITCH. (He has, however, expressed concern over her welfare, presumably to troll her more.) ardentMuckraker: WHAT A FINE MOTHERFUCKER. curiouslyMagnanimous: To be determined; likely with the outcome of FUCK YOU MOTHERFUCKER FOREIGNER FUCK FUCK. formostMachinist: Martin's of the opinion that fM needs to be schooled on what AMERICA's all about. He feels that he's on to the right idea, though, so he's a fair enough dude to be inspired from. Has decided to run on the "FUCKING DEMOCRATIC" ticket when he eventually runs for President on account of this guy right here. I LIKE THIS GUY. lawfulRepresentative: A FINE AMERICAN. (Yep.) Category:Character Profiles Category:Session A Category:Trolls Category:Princes Category:AMERICA Category:Prospit Dreamers